R - from STRETCH
- adafurstcoach
- Mar 9, 2022
- 4 min read
Resilience, is a broad topic, can be defined in many ways depending on the context in which is it applied and used, hence there are multiple theories about the components of resilience.
One thing is for sure that resilience became a hot topic the past years. Not only because of the global pandemic but even prior to that the world of work required a high level of resilience from all of us.
Resilience is about bouncing back after setbacks, but it’s getting harder and harder to bounce back due the amount of setbacks we experience every day. How can we keep on going with all the headwinds coming to our way? The world of sport is again a good example and therefore was and is often in the center of such researches. Sport psychology has been looking into what fuels athletes to jump back and try it again, do it better, do it differently. One does not have to be an athlete to be resilient, we can all practice and get better at it.
I have compiled my own version of C’s as components for Resilience. I often do it this way with many things, be it relaxation – meditation – mindfulness – theories etc. After reading about a certain topic I usually come up with my own version of definition and practical toolkit, which is best fitting my personality, my reality, my routine and my abilities (physical, financial etc). I do believe in our uniqueness and that one size does not fit all. I encourage everyone to find what is really working from them in particular.
In our hectic lives I prefer to introduce habits, practices that we can do without further burdening or setting up ourselves for failure. What do I mean? How many times have you heard “Oh it takes only 5 minutes to do this” “Oh it takes only 10 minutes to do that” . Yes true, but if you add up all those 5 minutes of just working out, meditating, cooking, cleaning, walking, learning, reading etc. the day is already full without having spent time on many other things. Sure, no one needs to read every day, no one needs to cook or for sure no one needs to clean every day, still most people have a never ending TO DO list. Due to these endless engagements we talk less and less about time management and more about energy management - focus and priorities matter. Which will differ from person to person as per our own values and situations.
I have compiled a simplified 4 C’s approach for Resilience, which is my way of practicing resilience:
Confidence: is the basis of most things, hence worth practicing it every day. A simple way is, as our inner child is craving for positive re-assurance, to simply name three to five things that you did well on a given day. It is more powerful if you write it down or you can easily gather them in your head and say it out loud. For example under the shower, in the car on your way home. This can be practiced with friends and family as well, you can turn it into a fun game around the dinner table, reassuring each other what you all did well that day, what competencies you’ve used well.
Compassion: we may not shine every day, we are humans, forgiving ourselves for our mistakes is key. Simply accepting our reality that, even we did everything to our best abilities but the circumstances may not were ideal, takes self-compassion. Accepting our limits – which often times simply means that the day is 24 hours.
Care: if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot be there for others. The best example I like to voice about the importance of prioritizing self-care is the one used at any aircraft: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others, if you don’t help yourself, you won’t be able to help others. Self-care is key for our wellbeing and resilience. Besides doing sports regularly, I practice self-care by paying attention to drink enough water and to my nutrition. After a stressful day I like to pause and listen to my body and mind, to my needs, what would help me to gain back my balance and peace of mind. Sometimes it is a walk on the fresh air, looking up the sky, sometimes it is a hot bath with scented oils and a good book or just simply relaxing and doing nothing for that few minutes to clear my mind. It can also be spending quality time with our loved ones, going on a hike or a dinner.
Communication: self-talk is a powerful one. How we perceive situations, how we re-frame the things that are happening to and/or around us. Self-confidence is also connected to our inner self-talk, as the famous quote by Henry Ford says “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right”. It has been known for long that inner talk is important and therefore has been in the center of researchers as well. It also connects us back to my first point – confidence. Your self-confidence can be boosted by how you talk to and about yourself, how you communicate in general. I have recently read an article (link below) not only highlighting the importance and the role of the inner talk but nicely touching on the difference between the way we address ourselves in our self-talk and what difference that makes. It all starts with us, by shaping your inner-talk to be more self-compassionate will ultimately effect the way you communicate with others. The better you are able to communicate with your own self you will get better at communicating with others. And as such, you will be more resilient in challenging situations, as these times requires compassion, care, the ability to ask for help and to lean on each other.
The order of the 4 C’s is not fixed. Depending on what you need most at the time, you may switch this order up.
Dedicate your April to resilience: add a novelty to your toolkit or demonstrate your resilience through a sports or technology related activity, connecting the efforts of your previous months with your third month in the STRETCH method.
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