E - from STRETCH

The better you know yourself, the better you will be able to understand others, so it will help your co-operation with your colleagues

Emotions, it is known for long that EQ (Emotional Quotient) plays a big role in leadership skills. One does not only have to have people skills to be a good leader but also needs to master listening skills and many others. The recent changes in our business life, driven by the pandemic and post-pandemic organizations realized that people truly matter and what truly matters to people at a work place be it remote/hybrid/on-site. This brought some other Qs into the mix. For example Virtual Quotient (VQ), Adversity or Adaptability Quotient (adversity in Psychology and recently also used as adaptability quotient in leadership materials - AQ), Cultural Quotient (CQ) etc. All are important, especially as we encounter people from different cultures and often we do not even have the chance to meet in person but we work together enabled by technology. Undoubtedly virtual collaboration requires many different and new skills and building relations remotely takes also more time but if you are aware of your own emotions all of this is easier.

Building rapport is not always easy, expressing emotions in the right way and in the right time helps and often speeds up the relationship building. The way to get better at it starts with us. Knowing our own self and our own emotions so that we can understand others better. Self-reflection is a great tool to get to know ourselves better and to learn to name our feelings in any given situation. Retrospectives play a big role, just like after major projects at work, used in agile as well. Why not to use retrospective as a tool for self-reflection?

Whenever you encounter a new situation, may or may not be difficult, try to reflect, how did it effect you? What emotions did the other person or project made you feel and how did you react due to that? What have you done well and what would you like to do differently next time?

This can be extremely good in the event where one may lose temper. We cannot choose our emotions but we can choose how we react to them and surely we can learn how not to be overdriven, flooded by our emotions and maybe ending up reacting in a way we later regret. Under stress it is difficult to stay calm, great leaders know their emotions. In the event one loses his/her temper, reacts in a surprising way, due to their self-reflection ability they can still course-correct, naming it and acting upon it (for example, saying sorry or preventing similar unfortunate actions).

Knowing our emotions not only helps us to connect to each other but also to catch our biases. Staying impartial and objective is also a skill, for which knowing our own emotions and learning to temporarily and occasionally setting them aside is key to avoid the misuse of power. A very important piece in leadership and other decision making roles (like HR), when one has power and influence.

We are humans and not robots, it is not like that one can switch on – off their emotions, this is why it is so important to be aware. It is, like most things, a process of self-development, a learning process.

Showing vulnerability in leadership is key. Old style management was rather “command and control” or similar, therefore it was called management and not leadership. Great leadership requires emotional intelligence.

Dedicate your May to emotions: each week do a retrospective, pause and reflect on your week from an emotional view, ask yourself questions like: How did I felt this week at work? What made me happy? What caused me feeling sad/worried/frustrated? How did I react? What could I do differently next time when a similar feeling arises to have a different outcome and feel better about it?